I’m a former film-maker, journalist and broadcaster with a deep passion for freedom fighters and a love for human rights, the rule of law and healthy democratic practice. This has led me to specialise in consultancy with both government and corporate sectors. I now feed this passion through my involvement with West Papua, Western Sahara and East Timor.

Due to my long involvement with the pro-independence National Council of Timorese Resistance and my international work with Jose Ramos Horta since 1992, in August 1999 I was engaged to go to Dili, East Timor, in a clandestine role to facilitate access to the pro-independence leadership, who, because of threats to their lives in the lead-up to the ballot, went into hiding.

There were many times over this period when I thought that the tragedy and pain of the Timorese was more than anyone could bear.

When I am entirely beaten by the circumstances of my work it is because I have forgotten two things: that when Jesus walks beside me I have nothing to fear, and that ‘all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called unto his purpose.’

When I want to find peace, relief, meaning, hope and comfort and want to make sense of all the pain in my heart and all around me, I read the words of Psalm 91 and feel His deep truth. This faithful promise gives me sustenance and courage to continue and the wisdom to know when to quit.

As my faith has grown and I’ve reluctantly handed my life over more and more to the Lord, the mystery of God’s love deepens in my heart. I find these truths give me the capacity to create space and distance between myself and painful, difficult, confusing and evil events. It’s like being in a kind of protective bubble, where I cannot by touched in any ultimate sense, as Psalm 91 says, ‘A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you’. I have lived it, and I so I profoundly believe it.

Automatic fire from the militia advanced towards us on one day I will never forget, and I had time to think, ‘What if it were all to end here, today, in a few moments? What of my life; how have I lived and loved?’ Psalm 91 gently entered my thoughts: ‘…because you have made the LORD your refuge, the Most High your dwelling place, no evil shall befall you, no scourge come near your tent’.

After the ballot, I went to the jungle cantonment of the FALINTIL freedom fighters during Interfet as media liaison and assistant to for the vice-commander, Taur Matan Ruak.

I was accused in some foreign media of being an Indonesian spy, of attempting to extort money from CNRT, of forging Xanana Gusmao’s signature, of being an infiltrator sent by Ramos Horta and of being Ramos Horta’s lover.

My situation was insignificant in the scheme of things, but my capacity to deal with it was lessened by my bad health. We ate a very poor diet, I caught scabies and impetigo, had diarrhea and dysentery-like symptons, so I was weak and emotionally vulnerable.

Only the Word could resuce and sustain me as I lay down on my bug-infested bed at night to pray and to think of the poor Timorese. Feeling completely beaten, powerless and confused, I turned to the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:3-11). I was so profoundly comforted; they spoke directly of our collective pain.

I have to actively soften my heart by forgiving, otherwise I carry the hatred and pain deep in my soul, empowering it to darken and destroy me. I wouldn’t be able to make sense of the evil masked as madness without the Word, the sword of the Spirit.

I keep on moving, living in the shelter of the Most High, abiding in the shadow of the Almighty.

Margherita Tracanelli